#464 – In Which Rent is Collected

It’s admittedly a bit early to be harvesting honey—spring has only recently sprung, and the bees of Bear Apiaries, LLC, while clearly quite busy, are not yet at peak productivity—but a quick tip from the tap of the previous year’s vintage should be sufficient to tide a bear over until lunch.

#456 – In Which Needs are Met

Wall Street seems to have gotten itself into a tizzy over the arrival of a bear market on Friday, a blatantly speciesist term that always struck BL as something of a misnomer. Winter-time hibernation notwithstanding, ursidae of all shapes and sizes are reliably confident consumers, as the undoctored balance sheets of Bear Apiaries, LLC—a wholly-owned American subsidiary of Arth & Beach, in partnership with Artio-Andarta, Ltd.—would surely attest.

#427 – In Which No Questions Were Asked

Well, that was a whirlwind trip. Following a felicitous meeting with a Francophonic associate who knows a bear who knows a badger who knows a wolf who knows a fox, Bear Lawyer was able to get his paws on some heavily discounted colony starter kits to help expand the workforce at Bear Apiaries, LLC, and thereby increase his supersaturated liquid holdings. The only catch was that the mysterious vulpine merchant (alias “René”) was based in Provence and would only accept cash payments—in person—which necessitated a quick jaunt across the pond, an unexpectedly hazardous countryside trek on a rented Peugeot S57, and the incidental sweetening of an odd pawful of customs agents.

Nothing says “Merci pour votre considération (et désolé pour les piqûres d’abeilles)” quite like a fresh pot of honey.

#425 – In Which There is a Breakthrough in Negotiations

Working conditions at Bear Apiaries, LLC—one of many and varied somewhat-offshore entities which Bear Lawyer (with sharp advice from PDQ, CPA) had long ago established to diversify, obfuscate, and/or otherwise vouchsafe his finances from the prying eyes of Uncle Sam—are no better or worse than any other warehousing outfit operating within the continental United States. Which is to say that they could likely stand to be a whole lot better than they presently are, and that Bear Lawyer’s reliance on readily-replaceable drone labour to sweeten his bottom line is by no means immune to grassroots organization efforts and their attendant hiccups in production quotas.

Nothing that a few quick puffs from the ol’ smoker cannot sort out, but still. Time is honey, and all these complaints about “the unjust predations of the Dread Lord Bearzos” are bad for business.

#378

Bear Lawyer may have been going a little hot and heavy with the Earl Grey this summer—there’s nothing like a smackerel of honey to bring out the essence of bergamot—but he never expected that he might exceed his quarterly allotment of honey. Truly, these are hard times for bee-kind. And for Bear Apiaries, LLC.

#350

Insofar as Bear Lawyer had a reason—specifically, a troublesome case of rumblies in the tumbly—and was acting in accordance with his role as the woodlands’ resident alpha predator, he humbly submits that this impromptu search of the hive and subsequent seizure of its delicious, supersaturated liquid assets falls well within the Law (of Nature).

#329

#283

#256

#238