Yes, it is Mother’s Day, and both familial connections and social mores would lead one to presume that Bear Lawyer, like any mother’s beloved son, ought to be turning homeward in observation of the day—or, at the very least, making time for a lengthy telephonic conversation (or Teams call or what have you) to properly express his filial affections.
But that would ignore BL’s rather complicated personal history with his family and their peripatetic business, particularly the circumstances of his abrupt departure lo those many years ago, as Mère Lola and the rest of the troop still have yet to forgive BL for running away from the circus to go to law school.
Maybe one day… just not today.
Working conditions at Bear Apiaries, LLC—one of many and varied somewhat-offshore entities which Bear Lawyer (with sharp advice from PDQ, CPA) had long ago established to diversify, obfuscate, and/or otherwise vouchsafe his finances from the prying eyes of Uncle Sam—are no better or worse than any other warehousing outfit operating within the continental United States. Which is to say that they could likely stand to be a whole lot better than they presently are, and that Bear Lawyer’s reliance on readily-replaceable drone labour to sweeten his bottom line is by no means immune to grassroots organization efforts and their attendant hiccups in production quotas.
Nothing that a few quick puffs from the ol’ smoker cannot sort out, but still. Time is honey, and all these complaints about “the unjust predations of the Dread Lord Bearzos” are bad for business.
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Tagged apiary, Bear Lawyer, Bears, Bees, Comics, Hive, Honey, Humor, labor dispute, labour dispute, Lawyers, may day, Negotiation, Webcomics
On one paw, Ranger Rooney’s annual inspections, being equal parts OSHA and FWS, are a necessary regulatory encroachment which Bear Lawyer must endure in order to maintain his woodland offices. Furthermore, ol’ Rooney has been known to turn a blind eye to the odd safety infraction or several. (Please Note: No instances of bribery have occurred, nor are they herein implied. Ranger Rooney is simply incompetent and easily distracted.)
On the other, pursuant to all interns’ and associates’ contracts of (largely unpaid) employment with the Law Offices of Bear Lawyer, LLC, (1) all foodstuffs must be stored in the refrigerator in the break glen and (2) any and all foodstuffs stored within the refrigerator in the break glen are the sole property of Bear Lawyer—in which case Ranger Rooney’s opportunistic snacking thereupon represents a gross breach of both general etiquette and codified standards of conduct which BL feels compelled to address, yet dares not.
The tri-state interfirm squash tournament is serious business, and Bear Lawyer takes (and inadvertently causes) great pains in his efforts to keep his energy levels at their sushi-fueled peak whilst training.
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Tagged Bear Lawyer, Bears, Comics, court order, Humor, Lawyers, squash, Sushi, takeaway, takeout, tournament, Webcomics
Suffice it to say that Bear Lawyer misses in-person court proceedings—also, that this is a fairly low-cost way of screening for potential (unpaid and/or unwitting) summer interns.
In all honesty, Bear Lawyer doesn’t know why his current VRBO neighbours were so quick to make themselves scarce. The morning coffee had already been poured—a nice gesture, though too much cream for a bear’s liking—and the ol’ j’accuse had just came up to temp, and BL was very much looking forward to more thoroughly making their acquaintance over a nice, leisurely soak whilst enjoying the scenic views from their frustratingly difficult-to-access balcony.
Lo, time continues its relentless forward march, and once again Bear Lawyer finds himself delivered unto the warming verdure of spring. A liminal space of fresh growth and new beginnings—periods of brilliant sunlight punctuated by soft rains and sharp gusts, flora and fauna alike doing their level best to be fruitful and multiply—yet one that perforce leads a bear to lay back and ponder his unique place within the grandness of nature’s schema. Fluffy clouds lend themselves quite well to a good long think, after all.
At least he would, if BL’s cantankerous canine charge would grant him a moment’s peace between head skritches and walkies and feedings and the mandatory hurling of various objects far afield for purposes of pursuit and retrieval.
Strangest. Lien. Ever.
Being relatively high on the list of prioritized recipients—weighing over 900 lbs. is only to be expected for a well-fed grizzled bear of above-average height, but that skewed ratio also leads to a calculated BMI more than double that of a “severely obese” adult, not to mention what a daily dozen (boxes) of Dodo’s Lard-Lathered Doughnuts (original recipe) does to one’s blood sugar and cholesterol; loopholes, but still—Bear Lawyer has been eagerly awaiting his notification of eligibility from the Department of Health, and was beginning to wonder if he had somehow been given a miss amidst the ongoing hullaballoo in Albany.
Turns out that the Department of Health was simply ironing out a specialized distribution method with the Department of Environmental Conservation, which, come to think on it, was both remarkably resourceful and inarguably the safest plan of action, given Bear Lawyer’s general reluctance to visit the vet and extreme trepidation around needles.
Some might say that a bear has no business on the open water, let alone angling for bluefin from a rowing dinghy. Bear Lawyer would counter that stranger things have happened, and that he is nothing if not a proper sportsbear, loath to claim any undue advantages over his quarry.
Besides, needs must while the getting is good, and BL has ample supplies of wasabi and sticky rice in want of use.
Bear Lawyer’s many years of legal experience have taught him that the clear and thorough presentation of facts and evidence is critical for courtroom success. One must possess everything needed to support one’s argument, and a complete understanding of how the various elements cohere—plus the ability to effectively communicate one’s understanding to both judge and jury—as even the most impassioned of presentations cannot make up for the conspicuous absence (or blundering misuse) of any essential part.
This FÜBØRK bookshelf is no different.
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Tagged Bear Lawyer, Bears, bookshelf, case law, Comics, Humor, Lawyers, PDQ, Philbert D. Quince, Squirrel, Webcomics