Tag Archives: Humor


Business as UsualSome days, you head into the office-glen ready to depose the world and file suit against God Himself. Others, it’s just eight or more (usually more) grey and far-from-memorable hours spend plugging away at mundane briefs and boilerplate memos. So it goes—even for the likes of Bear Lawyer.



Bear Lawyer Anticipates the Fall Harvest

The BigLaw firms may have their pick of the 3L litter, but Bear Lawyer has always found that, with a little patience, stealth, and luck—plus or minus a stun gun, a bottle of chloroform, and a large hempen sack—even the smallest legal shoppe can bag (and/or net) itself a gunner or two.


Bear Lawyer Revises a Contract

Dear Readers—

“Boswell” here, breaking the fourth wall to bring you up to speed with the recent behind-the-scenes goings-on impacting the world of Bear Lawyer, LLC. As those of you who know me outside of my punning, absurdist illustrated endeavours are (likely) aware, I recently accepted a full-time position with a local, non-law-related firm—a position that has, as a consequence of keeping regular workaday hours, impeded my ability to produce twice-weekly panels in the manner to which I had become accustomed. Although a single BL, LLC panel tends not to take any more than 2-4 solid hours to produce, there are only so many hours within a given day that one can reasonably be expected to tit about in Adobe CS before hands cramp up, eyes grow dim, and buttocks attain the shape and consistency of a hempen sack filled with cottage cheese. One does require a modest measure of active and/or leisure time in the eventide, doesn’t one?

Henceforth, the update schedule for BL, LLC is changing from twice-weekly to but once a week—that is, from Tuesday/Thursday to Tuesday alone, with production being shifted from weekdays to weekends, and subject to amendments and delays accordingly. Who knows? I may even attempt some style and/or format changes as I go, just to spice things up.

All this aside, thank you, dear readers—both for your patience going forward, and for your continued interest in the ongoing (mis)adventures of this well-intended ursine juris doctor.

As ever, I faithfully remain your

Thomas E. Körp
Senior Partner | Bear Lawyer, LLC


Bear Lawyer Denies the Allegation

Yikes. Bear Lawyer doesn’t know what that hot dog vendor was doing in the middle of the field, let alone why he was carting around so many open bottles of ketchup, but even the spicy aroma of a slow-cooked offal tube could not distract BL from his dogged pursuit of the opposing team’s quarterback. Who, BL thinks—without admitting responsibility or culpability for either the penalty or for the injury in question—really ought to have his arm looked at by a medical professional. Maybe just apply steady pressure and wait for an ambulance?


Bear Lawyer Occupies the Field

Under normal circumstances, Bear Lawyer would be more than happy to encourage the young’uns in their love of the beautiful game, and to provide helpful pointers on how best to defend the ball while avoiding the dreaded cartulina roja. Still, what with the inter-firm flag football tournament fast approaching, BL is afraid that he must insist that the officially-posted schedule for this particular pitch be observed and obeyed. After all, a bear’s gotta put his interns through their paces, and these two-a-day sessions won’t run themselves.


Bear Lawyer Prepares His Witnesses

So, Messrs. Yogi and… “Boo-boo”, is it? Well, as you have both been made aware, a certain Kentucky-based distillery has taken it upon itself to mount a slanderous advertising campaign-cum-lawsuit against bearkind, with the chief allegation being that bears have been “stealing” all of “humanity’s” honey and causing massive amounts of property damage to apiaries nationwide. As duplicity and theft of foodstuffs seems to be your bailiwick, Bear Lawyer plans to call upon you—in addition to your esteemed colleagues from Brownstone National Park and the Hundred Acre Wood—to testify as expert witnesses in the impending counter-suit against said distillery. Shall we begin?


Bear Lawyer Makes a Technological Error

Oh! Oh, dear! Quickly, young interns! Fetch your buckets and form a fire brigade! Smother the flames with your uninsured bodies! Protect the coffee stores at all cost!