#382

Bear Lawyer Prepares His Witnesses

So, Messrs. Yogi and… “Boo-boo”, is it? Well, as you have both been made aware, a certain Kentucky-based distillery has taken it upon itself to mount a slanderous advertising campaign-cum-lawsuit against bearkind, with the chief allegation being that bears have been “stealing” all of “humanity’s” honey and causing massive amounts of property damage to apiaries nationwide. As duplicity and theft of foodstuffs seems to be your bailiwick, Bear Lawyer plans to call upon you—in addition to your esteemed colleagues from Brownstone National Park and the Hundred Acre Wood—to testify as expert witnesses in the impending counter-suit against said distillery. Shall we begin?

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2 responses to “#382

  1. Yogi and Boo Boo are definitive proof of bears’ preference to purloin everything but honey. Very good witnesses.

    Although Donald Duck might claim his honey was stolen by BNP bears, Mr Duck is not known for his veracity or his business acumen. Too, his semi-intelligible speech would likely irritate the jurors.

    As for the lovable W. Pooh’s honey acquisitions, they were from natural sources and nothing to do with any humans’ “kept” bees.

    Can you spell defamation, Mr Beam?!

    • The keeping of bees is particularly troublesome in that Jim Beam, Inc. appears to be indiscriminately suing all bears for damages related to the loss of a work product to which, absent a contractual agreement with the queens, workers, and drones of the colonies in question (á la the innovative business practices of Bear Apiaries, LLC), they had no rightful claim. Effectively, Jim Beam, Inc., is suing for the loss of property which they had, themselves, already stolen from the rightful owners, i.e., the bees.

      Defamation aside, JBI doesn’t appear to have a leg on which to stand. And even if they do, Bear Lawyer’s rough-and-tumble legal tactics will most assuredly deprive them of said leg in as punitive a way as possible.

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