Bear Lawyer Encourages Productivity

Loath though he may be to admit it—particularly as doing so might create an expectation of higher wages, or of wages at all—Bear Lawyer cannot help but marvel at the nose-to-the-grindstone stick-to-itiveness of his interns and junior associates. Just one demonstrative crack of the ol’ bullwhip, and it’s naught but rustling briefs and hasty typing for hours (and days) on end. It’s quite remarkable, really—the attendant drop-off in personal hygiene, doubly so.


5 responses to “#374

  1. Bear Lawyer might find it advantageous to brush up on his Labor Law.

  2. Well, this certain explains the (copyright infringing) scrawl found on the bathroom tree’s bark.

    Ol’ Bear Lawyer,
    Dat ol’ Bear Lawyer
    He mus’ know sumpin’
    But don’t say nuthin’,
    He jes’ keeps rollin’
    He keeps on rollin’ along.

    He don’ file briefs,
    He don’ write petitions,
    An’ dem dat files ’em
    is soon renditioned,
    But ol’ Bear Lawyer,
    He jes keeps rollin’ along.

    You an’ me, we sweat an’ strain,
    Body all achin’ an’ racket wid pain,
    Tote dat bond!
    Lift dat bail!
    Git a little drunk
    An’ you land in jail.

    Ah gits weary
    An’ sick of tryin’
    Ah’m tired of livin’
    An’ skeered of dyin’,
    But ol’ Bear Lawyer,
    He jes’ keeps rolling’ along.

    Intern folks work on de Glen-office floor,
    Intern folks work while de Bear boss play,
    Pullin’ dose files from de desk to drawer,
    Gittin’ no rest till de judgement day.

    Don’t look up
    An’ don’t look down,
    You don’ dast make
    De Bear boss frown.
    Bend your knees
    An’ bow your head,
    An’ pull dat brief
    Until you’ dead.

    Let me go ‘way from the Glen LLC,
    Let me go ‘way from de Bear Lawyer boss;
    Show me dat stream called de river Jordan,
    Dat’s de ol’ stream dat I long to cross.

    O’ Bear Lawyer,
    Dat ol’ Bear Lawyer,
    He mus’know sumpin’
    But don’t say nuthin’
    He jes’ keeps rollin’
    He keeps on rollin’ along.

    • While Bear Lawyer applauds your parodical creativity, he does take some offense at being compared to a slave driver. Sure, Bear Lawyer may travel to some far-off land (say, a lower-tier law school) whereat he may make some arrangements with “recruiters” at a “job fair” to “contractually acquire” “interns” for a “nominal finder’s fee”. He then may transport said “interns” back to his office-glen under shockingly unsanitary conditions (Greyhound buses; need one say more?), whereat they may labour for long hours in a hazardous environment for little or no pay (usually the latter) ’til a mixture of exhaustion, shock, and complacency rob them of the will to go on living. But to compare such practices with the evils of slavery? Madame, you wound him.

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